In a world where our deepest, darkest sins can be neatly catalogued on Instagram between a sunset photo and a perfectly staged cappuccino, one has to wonder: do the Seven Deadly Sins still matter? If you think about it, we’re constantly updated about what counts as a ‘sin’ based on the latest app notifications. But let’s dive a bit deeper, because ancient stuff is cool again (just ask any hipster brewing his own kombucha).
1. Sloth: The Art of Doing Nothing Beautifully
Remember when laziness was just you, on the couch, avoiding responsibilities like a professional athlete avoids taxes? Now, sloth is less about doing nothing and more about doing nothing productive. You’re still busy. Oh, very busy. Busy binge-watching an entire series while your treadmill collects dust and serves as a drying rack for your laundry. Sloth in the digital age is about mastering the art of appearing productive—meeting link open, camera off, back to bed.
2. Wrath: Going Viral for All the Wrong Reasons
Anger used to be a sin when it involved smiting your neighbors with words or, well, actual smiting. Today? It’s tweeting before thinking. Wrath is now the driver behind every keyboard warrior, battling it out in the comments section under a politically charged Facebook post. It’s the sin that keeps on giving—giving us something to talk about, retweet, and gossip over. Because nothing says “modern-day sinning” like going viral for a Twitter meltdown.
3. Greed: The Obsession with More
Greed was simpler when it was just hoarding gold and spices like some sort of dragon in a Tolkien novel. Nowadays, it’s about collecting likes, followers, and gadgets you absolutely don’t need but must have because—have you seen those ads? Greed is having 47 tabs open to compare the best deals you won’t take because tomorrow they might be cheaper. It’s the modern capitalist ballet, and we’re all reluctantly dancing.
4. Envy: The Green-Eyed Social Media Monster
Once upon a time, envy was looking over the fence at your neighbor’s new horse or spiffy carriage. Now, it’s scrolling through travel blogs and hating people you’ve never met for taking the vacations you didn’t know you wanted. Instagram is the new backyard fence, and everyone’s grass looks greener—even if it’s been Photoshopped.
5. Pride: Selfies and the Quest for Perfection
Pride has had a makeover. It’s no longer just about being the village’s best at whatever medieval skill you had. It’s about crafting the perfect online image. Your life isn’t just good, it’s #blessed. And everyone needs to know, through meticulously curated posts that scream “I have my life together!” even if it’s just a facade held together by selfie filters and existential dread.
6. Gluttony: Feast Your Eyes on This
Gluttony isn’t just overeating anymore. It’s over-consuming everything—streaming shows, devouring podcasts, ingesting news cycles 24/7 until your brain feels like it’s going to burst. It’s the hunger games, but the only thing you’re hunting is more, more, more content.
7. Lust: Swiping Right on Temptation
Finally, lust. What used to be the sin of salacious glances and forbidden encounters has transformed into swiping right on an endless digital carousel. It’s not just about physical desires—it’s the lust for the next best thing, the better match, the greener grass, the upgraded phone model. After all, why settle for what you have when there’s something better just a swipe away?
So, why should we care about the Seven Deadly Sins? Because, dear reader, recognizing them in their modern guises is the first step to not falling prey to them. Plus, it’s entertaining as hell to see just how creative we’ve become at sinning. Maybe that’s the eighth sin: innovation. Or maybe we just need to turn off our devices and go outside—nah, let’s save that radical idea for another day.
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